the past, the present, the future

Now i've realised that i have not gotten over Eileen but seeing her so happy and blessful with Elson, i can put my mind at ease. He will take good care of her. How i wish it's me that's in the picture. Havin such a nice birthday party and holiday. Take care alright girl. Colette, you're also another nice girl that is enjoying life now, you got to know new friends and i hope benny will take care of you. Seeing you smiling and laughin so happily makes me smile unknowninly too. I can put my mind at ease that you will not be happy already. I feel that i am an experience for you girls, after me, you girls seems to hit off nicely with your next guy. Claps! for you girls! i don't like it but in life, we can't expect too much. Just let it go and be happy. I'll change to be a better person, the next girl that's goin to come in to my life will be totally different as to how i treat you 2, it will be better. i hope i wont give another bad experience.

Eileen,Colette. Be happy alright, You girls got great guys beside you. Cherish them!

time to move on and get my life back.

it's been months since we seperated. i can see your life now is getting better and better,thats very good. you've known a few guys. i hope they can take care of you and keep you safe,i can see you alrdy forgotten about danny, as well as me. i'm always waiting for your sms or reply but i always wait for nothing. it's time i put things down and move on, but can i do it? the feeling keeps comin back. i tried hard to push it away, i deleted your number, i deleted your facebook, but it still comes back. what did i do to deserve all this!! i wanna be with you , yet on the other hand, i also doesn't want.i'm confused and hurt. Seein you together with other guys, i can;t help but feel hurt and painful. you started drinkin and stuffs, this isn't the you i know in the beginning, i hope it's all ain't a disguise to begin with.i don't wanna irritate you with my senseless smses or calls, i'm tryin to stop. but i keep doin it still. i have now deleted your number and all your smses,i pray it won't come back again, please, let me live my life NOW! oh damned feelings, please go and leave me alone! i don't deserve all this!! i have wonderful friends around me that supports me.i don't need you at all!argh!it's just so stupid of me to still want you back even if it seems impossible.just, BE GONE!

i'm buying my bowling ball somewhere this week, taking up this sport to keep myself occupied..kinda hooked to bowlin now, i'll show you i can bowl.

btw, i got my 1st burberry wallet last week.nicenice=)

it's down to the wire....

so weird, you've been treating me so coldly d past week, and suddenly you treat me so nice, i find it weird. And it's after he went over to your place. You 2 said that you guys did nothing. okay, i believe you, but he is your ex, it's very hard to believe. i felt as if you betrayed me, even thou we are not tgt but it's kinda wrong too ma.=(( i dont know why am i still clinging on to you. knowing that you go out without even tellin me and you get angry when i ask where are you.
today i ask you wad are we now, are we onli friends and cant be something else, im still waiting for your reply.i hope it wont b friends only, hais, i love you.

im tired. im tired of you being so undecisive. im tired of you wanting to be with me yet wanting to be with him, im sorry, but i cant share u with anybody. how can love be shared with other ppl? koibito eh, it means lover or bf/gf, lifelong partners in japanese. it sucks to see tt. no wonder yst u said u wan to have sometime alone, and today u still can tell me, what u said yst isnt limted to yst only, i get it. hais, im here wasting my time, buying medicine for u when ur sick, go to ur place to take care of you, but still, u misses him. hais, go back to him yy, go back. go back and be happy, do anything u wan to make him want u back. me and you wont be tgt. cause u cant forget him, seeing d word koibito now makes me very very sad. i'll try to leave u alone alrdy, hai, i jus dont wanna believe tt u still love him and want him back. but ur showing me. hais, why cant i jus have a simple and happy relationship. why must it become so complicated. i dont deserve this right?
why cant i have a nice girlfriend whom loves me and not 1 who loves me and her ex. she wants both! wtf, why do i have to suffer this. i dont deserve this i dont deserve this!!!!!dam it! all i wan is for u to love me only!! is tt so difficult! HAIS koibitokoibito! why must u say all this to him, ur waiting for him to have reaction right!?! HAIS

=(

i love you colette, i really do. sigh

How It Came To This?

Why Why Why! must it happen? Why must eileen says the past of me to Col? Why must she say until i'm so bad that col has a changed opinion of me, now everything seems to be getting to a stop already. Why must this happen Again and again! If You Know This is gonna happen, why wanna let me know her in the 1st place?! WHY!? You Shouldn't have let me know her!IF Eileen can say me till i'm so bad, isin't she herself bad? And Doesn't everyone have flaws? why cant we be forgiven and forget the past and start anew. sigh!. Things changes overnight, it's so true, now it's stated we're good friends thats all. Does she really meant what she say? i feel superbly hurt, and its chinese new year in liek 1 days time? wTf! i dont have the mood for anything, shiitty SHIT! since last week, our relationship seems to be goin down and i DONT WANT IT TO GO DOWN! sigh, why must failure come find me again , can't it even let me succeed after so long?

am i not good enough for any girl? am i the worse guy a girl can have? WHY!
what am i supposed to do now, i don't wanna give up, but everything seems to be making me give up. argh! stupid life, stupid NS, stupid everything. fuck!

love hurts and it hurts super badly each time it falls! grr!

guess im not the right guys for you, im neither skillful nor clever. im never a good guy! fuck this life shaun fuck it!

R A N D O M

Emptyness...

heyhey! Being playing Flight Sim this few weeks, tryin to prepare myself for being a pilot. But my Boeing 744 Singapore Airlines Megatop always overshot the runway. (that's something i have to worry ) BUT! my bombardiar leafjet can land smoothly at Changi International Airport Perfectly. (ClapsS!!)

Currently saving money for a new com to suit my ADD-ON scenery for Singapore with EXPOS, SUNTEC, ESPLANADE etc. . .

And also saving for another trip to korea or maybe europe before my enlistment. Life's GOOD!

I Don't wanna have a girlfriend now because i don't wanna be tied down already. Past relationships have taught me alot, but i dont wish to get into another relationship as i know it will hurt later on. yea shelly, hahas, let's be friends now and yea! YOU BETTER LOVE DOGS!..

aww, creamy and floffy is so cute!

Happy valentine all....

hmm, im bored! crappy days.. i'm waiting for my enlistment, and the letter not yet come! most prob i'll go in commando. that's what you wish the last time and you got it. Hope it'll make me a STRONGER guy, wahahahs, hmm okay, met up with shuk and sui just now for some lepak lepak. Went to flyer to eat and wanted to get a free ride up the flyer, but sui's friend was not working, aww sad! then went to Sheeeesha at arab street and guess what, we saw our classmates! it's so so small world, long time since i saw neny, she's hot! hahas! Then after that went to devil's bend, then go to yishun dam. i'm amazed by the cars! i wan an EVOLUTION 8!!! dam!

Btw, i'm going to take my bike licence somewhere next week or the week after next! here i come bikey!!

anyway good morning guys!

hurtx

I've Thought i can forget you, but now i know...... i still can't..










it hurts..

Just Wanna Be With You

Waiting And Waiting . . . I can see you are getting along with your life well. that's good to see. I don't know if you and him already together and don't wanna tell us, but i hope you will think it clearly. You've changed, i don't know if i've changed, i can't say myself, you have to see it yourself.

No matter what happens, if you need a shoulder or a lending ear to talk to, you can come and find me, i'm fine with it, after all, you may change, but deep inside, you don't change, i still know what you likes and what you don't. And nice flowers he sent you. Better then my for some reasons. I know i can't ask anything now, But seeing you happy, i'm should be happy too.

Anyway, happy 18th birthday on 5nov....

I'm waiting for another chance, be it now or in he future, i know for once, i'm with you.... i love you..

Memories doesn't fade

I guess, i'm not ready to blog and i'm still tryin to accept the fact that you are gone from me, from my life, i have to move on no matter how hard it is. all the things we had gone through together. the thick and thin of matters. have you forgetten all about it? how i rush down to get you slippers althought i've just slept for 3hours. haiis, it hurts to know that we have end. 1 year passes by so fast. i cherished you, but i guess our fate wasn't meant to be.

Memories last forever, thats all i can say....



it hurts.....

The World of Illusions

Hmm, had fun during the last 2 days, so i'll split it up.. 27/09/08 Went to sentosa with dear, ray, elson, jiajun. We met charmine there as charmine was with her friends. was kinda a happy trip there. we reached vivo city and went to see the SAFARI. saw many dogs, so cute lar !! then went to take the sentosa express into sentosa, me and dear no need pay cause got the islander's card. after that went to sit the sentosa luge, we bought the buy 2 get 1 free ticket. so we can sit 3 times. after that we went to sit the sky ride up and take the luge down. was fun as everybody was runnin like they were F1, except no licence that kind of F1. then after the luge ride, we went to find charmine. Charmine also very funny, mix up the place then we cant find her. HOT! then we walkwalk and we found her, the sand was so SOSO hot and we keep runnin around. changed and went into the water, was so salty went we accidently drank some of it. WOW free salt, eeks! then we went to play luge again, this time also no licence. after that went to vivo to eat. walkwalkwalk and we found MUSSELICIOUS restaurant. not very expensive, but very CHEAP! about 20 per person. the food was, okok nia-.-" then after that walk walk around. and go HOME! took the MRT home , it's LONG T_T here are the pics... enjoy!! =) 28/09/08 Went to Watch f1 with dear and gang. met at 5pm at city hall mrt, already SO many people, then we slowly walk to marina center where we find see if got space to watch the match. many people and not much spaces so we went to a restaurant to eat and watch, the restaurant name is PARISS international seafood buffet restaurant. it's $45BUCKS per person. 7 of us went and it's like WOW so expensive, but it's worth it, great food and nice veiw of the F1. this is my 2nd time i go to the restaurant. the food is nice, many choices and varieties to choose. When the match start everybody was like so kan jiong all rush to the window. then a few of us went to the roof top to watch, it's SO fun lar, the noise is So loud and the atmosphere is amazing. next year, we all plan to buy tickets and go and watch it.! run around the rooftop to find nice places to watch, and i managed to find some, took some video of the cars zooming pass us and it's so loud!




thats all.. for now .=)

happy anniversary..

today is our 1year and 2 months anniversary. But dear is in Malaysia-.- and she has forgotten about it, but i'm okay with it. =) eeler they all plan to go out today, but i'm already meeting my cousin so i cant go, they are goin to KATONG shopping center. wa lao, so far lar that 1, then son also dont know wanna go anot, lol he complain far then he alone go lol! all dont go lar, next time then go hahas!

And, Dear, i wish that, if he ask about our relationship, you wont tell him anything that is related to us only, i dont wan him to know so much about our relationship. can? it's our relationship, he no need to ask that much about it. he wanna find the weakness in me. lol..

My 1st CAR! (RENT) =X

hmm, rented a car 2days ago, KIA PICANTO, no choice cause too late then rent, no other choices, so just rent that car to try it out, went rounding with buddies then go home sleep, woke up at 7am to fetch eileen to school, was kinda tired but looking at her i feel happy le. Then after drivin her to school, i go home and sleep, lucky!!. Cause when i leaving house in the morning, the sky is super dark, seems like goin to have a thunderstorm, but luckly, it didn't rain and the sky even turn bright =.=" Then whent i reach home, it started to rain heavily, SUPER MAN! tried to slept when i came home, but can't sleep-.-" so do nothing around and waited for son and eileen to come to panjang then i go fetch them to eileen's house. Waited for ray to wake up, he go try to car, lol starting was like so unstable, then slowly it became normal. Then went he tried to go up the carpark, the car stalled-.-" and it rolled backwards, everybody was like SUPER scare. hahas! then i go drive his dad's car out and we drive to return the picanto. Was like racing during the trip there, hahas, those 2 idiots ray and elson, behind us keep jumping around in other car, lol

After returning the car, we send elson home and we went home to eat dinner. =)

Here's a picture of my 1st CAR( jialat model) -.-!!







Just now went to meet Jiajun and Eeler to go and find Son to celebrate his belated birthday lol. While goin there, at bukit batok, ray was driving at 90km/hr, and it was a 70km/hr road, then we ran pass a speed camera. it flashed at us, but i don't know if it's flashing at us or the car beside us, cause there is another car running as well. so we were worried. hahas, Then reached Son's cousin house, had a plan with his cousin but his cousin was not at home, so we asked his brother to open the door and we have a cake, so we surprize him! He was not wearing any shirt at that time and he was like so shy hahas! Then after that we went to bedok to eat. Then just now drive the car back as ray was kinda tired, was not driving fast, just normal speed, kinda ZAI liao! hahas okay time to sleep...

here care some pictures.






tata! =)

Pride

i lay down my pride.

Boring ACCOUNTING CLASS!

Today is the start of my accounting class in MDIS again. Remoduled* but the class is so boring lar. The lecturer is even worse, talk like he is dying like that, very boring. Class alot Singaporeans then all like ah beng ah lian like that, so sian.

Went out of house at 12.45pm, then was playing PSP, reach school just nice 1.55pm, already kinda alot ppl in class. so went in and it feels WEIRD, REALLY WEIRD, like i am in another world, everybody seems so strange to me, hahas maybe because it's a new class, but i doubt i will ever get to know them, cause i'm only goin for 1 lesson per week. After class went to meet Eileen at Bukit Panjang Plaza, just to buy KFC and go home eat-.-" Went for dinner with her family just now, but i not hungry, so didn't eat. then after that, ray and his friends goin driving around, so i follow them, so they can fetch me home only, cheers*! hahas,

Wanna rent a car, but most of it is all min. 2 years experience then they will rent to you, ANYBODY, that view my blog, can help me look out for renting cars? PLEASE! =)

A Day Where There Is No Sunlight..

okay, just a random post. long time since i post anyway. hahas, just came back from desaru yesterday with eileen and her family. Was kinda bored there but it's still fun. see the adults play mahjong and eating seafood. At night, the wind was absolutely fantasic, was like blowing me off, it's FUN! On the way home, we went to ostrich farm, fruit farm and temple. i and ray was like sitting in our dream car, HONDA CIVIC V-TEC 1.8 LIT sport! =) lol, but i feel the turbo was not very good. not much feel at all. hahas, the person bought for 80+k i think and he says he wanna change car soon. How i wish he can sell me his car. . . then came back to Singapore, TUAS keep JAM JAM JAM, then got alot cars keep cutting into our lane, was very pissed. Cause got this FAT LADY, dont know how to drive car, keep letting other ppl cut in to the lane, then the lane not moving -.-"!! Then dad also came back from Genting with my sister and my aunties, those girls, shopping and bought alot of things, whole bag FULL,that was SO AH SOH LAR! then buy 2watch and a shirt for me only, KIAM SIAP!

Suddenly, today i felt i miss the old times, when eileen was working at sha villa, i feel those times were the best time of all. Now it doesn' seems very right. Last time when she working, i would wait for her outside, come fetch her in the morning then go have breakfast together, i miss those times, she seems very lovely at that time. I MISS IT!

And it' so fast, goin to 1year 2months already. it's tough for us during this time, but we somehow managed to pass through it. Now she schooling, i working + schooling, not much time to be as lovely as last time le, it's sad but everything will pass someday right, it's all in the memory already, cherish what we have now and enjoy our time together, possible my dear?

Eileen wanna get the IPHONE, it's expensive, i wanna buy for her, but i don't have the capital to but it now, i see what i can do. . .
Hope i'm able to get it for your 18th birthday, for now, use your SAMSUNG 1st hor, cheers.

ciaoz, going to school tomorrow.

Once A Day Passed

hi im back! hmm, lets get straight to the point ba, sat was dear's didi 1st month anniversay, i mean baby o, then her cousins come down from malaysia, so i went to visit them and the baby, was kinda hot cause many ppl. after everything i went home.

next day dear they all go out, car not enough place so i cannot go, so stay at home whole afternoon until evenin go swimmin with brothers. then at night go meet dear they all for go out play, her brother drive. kinda shock lar but anyway still okay. then monday they go chinatown, i dont feel like goin so nv go los, then she say i go no car dont want to go, -.- say until liek that, it hurts los. . . .

today, they go sentosa, nv tell me, i packed everything then bring go driving, after drivin called her, but she say she at sentosa, then say last min go de, then i was like, you all go sentosa also never let me know that you are goin, how do i feel? i feel very upset about it los. it's like you all go but dont wan me along can, jus tell me where you goin, i mornin wake up still sms you, but no reply. haiis..

HI!!!

hmm, long time since i post, was too lazy to post actually. don't really know what happen to dear now, suddenly she is like a changed person. so weird, haiis, i don't wish to say much, no mood, just no mood. since you want me not to ask so many things, i'll try to stop it. since this is the way you want.. you want..

BAD BAD BAD DAY!

today is a damn bad day, had a very very very bad cry today. cause . . . suddenly i have a feeling i'm going to lose dear already

yst is O lvl results, dear's brother got 28 for his o level then he is sad lar. then came home his father keep like scolding him, then suddenly scold everybody like that, then dear came in to the room and cry, the situation not very nice lar. then dear cry finish liao, we go down eat mac, then came home dear complain tired, then head pain, then say alot of those WANT TO DIE THINGS! it seems so real lar, make me damn sad lar, it's like, i'm going to lose her liao los. then her brother situation i also in it los, it's been 2 years. i still can rmb, i am even worse los, ITE ALSO CANNOT GO ARH! damn it! i was at the lowest of my life lar!

dear, i hope i won't ever lose you, 80k right, no problem, i sure will make enough to MARRY YOU! =) after NS arh ! CHIONG ARH! give u good life i promise! and dont ever say those kind of lousy words again please. it hurts

i love you dear.