the past, the present, the future

Now i've realised that i have not gotten over Eileen but seeing her so happy and blessful with Elson, i can put my mind at ease. He will take good care of her. How i wish it's me that's in the picture. Havin such a nice birthday party and holiday. Take care alright girl. Colette, you're also another nice girl that is enjoying life now, you got to know new friends and i hope benny will take care of you. Seeing you smiling and laughin so happily makes me smile unknowninly too. I can put my mind at ease that you will not be happy already. I feel that i am an experience for you girls, after me, you girls seems to hit off nicely with your next guy. Claps! for you girls! i don't like it but in life, we can't expect too much. Just let it go and be happy. I'll change to be a better person, the next girl that's goin to come in to my life will be totally different as to how i treat you 2, it will be better. i hope i wont give another bad experience.

Eileen,Colette. Be happy alright, You girls got great guys beside you. Cherish them!

time to move on and get my life back.

it's been months since we seperated. i can see your life now is getting better and better,thats very good. you've known a few guys. i hope they can take care of you and keep you safe,i can see you alrdy forgotten about danny, as well as me. i'm always waiting for your sms or reply but i always wait for nothing. it's time i put things down and move on, but can i do it? the feeling keeps comin back. i tried hard to push it away, i deleted your number, i deleted your facebook, but it still comes back. what did i do to deserve all this!! i wanna be with you , yet on the other hand, i also doesn't want.i'm confused and hurt. Seein you together with other guys, i can;t help but feel hurt and painful. you started drinkin and stuffs, this isn't the you i know in the beginning, i hope it's all ain't a disguise to begin with.i don't wanna irritate you with my senseless smses or calls, i'm tryin to stop. but i keep doin it still. i have now deleted your number and all your smses,i pray it won't come back again, please, let me live my life NOW! oh damned feelings, please go and leave me alone! i don't deserve all this!! i have wonderful friends around me that supports me.i don't need you at all!argh!it's just so stupid of me to still want you back even if it seems impossible.just, BE GONE!

i'm buying my bowling ball somewhere this week, taking up this sport to keep myself occupied..kinda hooked to bowlin now, i'll show you i can bowl.

btw, i got my 1st burberry wallet last week.nicenice=)

it's down to the wire....

so weird, you've been treating me so coldly d past week, and suddenly you treat me so nice, i find it weird. And it's after he went over to your place. You 2 said that you guys did nothing. okay, i believe you, but he is your ex, it's very hard to believe. i felt as if you betrayed me, even thou we are not tgt but it's kinda wrong too ma.=(( i dont know why am i still clinging on to you. knowing that you go out without even tellin me and you get angry when i ask where are you.
today i ask you wad are we now, are we onli friends and cant be something else, im still waiting for your reply.i hope it wont b friends only, hais, i love you.

im tired. im tired of you being so undecisive. im tired of you wanting to be with me yet wanting to be with him, im sorry, but i cant share u with anybody. how can love be shared with other ppl? koibito eh, it means lover or bf/gf, lifelong partners in japanese. it sucks to see tt. no wonder yst u said u wan to have sometime alone, and today u still can tell me, what u said yst isnt limted to yst only, i get it. hais, im here wasting my time, buying medicine for u when ur sick, go to ur place to take care of you, but still, u misses him. hais, go back to him yy, go back. go back and be happy, do anything u wan to make him want u back. me and you wont be tgt. cause u cant forget him, seeing d word koibito now makes me very very sad. i'll try to leave u alone alrdy, hai, i jus dont wanna believe tt u still love him and want him back. but ur showing me. hais, why cant i jus have a simple and happy relationship. why must it become so complicated. i dont deserve this right?
why cant i have a nice girlfriend whom loves me and not 1 who loves me and her ex. she wants both! wtf, why do i have to suffer this. i dont deserve this i dont deserve this!!!!!dam it! all i wan is for u to love me only!! is tt so difficult! HAIS koibitokoibito! why must u say all this to him, ur waiting for him to have reaction right!?! HAIS

=(

i love you colette, i really do. sigh

How It Came To This?

Why Why Why! must it happen? Why must eileen says the past of me to Col? Why must she say until i'm so bad that col has a changed opinion of me, now everything seems to be getting to a stop already. Why must this happen Again and again! If You Know This is gonna happen, why wanna let me know her in the 1st place?! WHY!? You Shouldn't have let me know her!IF Eileen can say me till i'm so bad, isin't she herself bad? And Doesn't everyone have flaws? why cant we be forgiven and forget the past and start anew. sigh!. Things changes overnight, it's so true, now it's stated we're good friends thats all. Does she really meant what she say? i feel superbly hurt, and its chinese new year in liek 1 days time? wTf! i dont have the mood for anything, shiitty SHIT! since last week, our relationship seems to be goin down and i DONT WANT IT TO GO DOWN! sigh, why must failure come find me again , can't it even let me succeed after so long?

am i not good enough for any girl? am i the worse guy a girl can have? WHY!
what am i supposed to do now, i don't wanna give up, but everything seems to be making me give up. argh! stupid life, stupid NS, stupid everything. fuck!

love hurts and it hurts super badly each time it falls! grr!

guess im not the right guys for you, im neither skillful nor clever. im never a good guy! fuck this life shaun fuck it!